Review & Vision | Jun. 27th 2022
On Mar. 31st I posted “The Sun, the Stars & the Bell Jar”, which was meant to be a benchmark for the vision of my “career”, a prospect mixed with both academic and literary ideals. Maybe I let myself down. Maybe I did what I could, with such stacks of assignments to deal with. Maybe I’m just taking it slow. Now I hope all would turn out fine… and am trying to readjust.
My grades for the last semester are merely moderate, and I don’t know whether I’m supposed to see them as “satisfactory”. I held on to a bit of research and a bit of reading, but neither seemed enough. Maybe I should be ashamed. Maybe that is what things usually fall into. Maybe I’m actually getting close to my optimum working & living style. All the “maybe”s chime by my side, yet I see a dreamy white, sitting in this little modern calming café. This is where I adjust to a “working” mode, refill my journal, type my report or poetry word by word, and conjecture the scaffoldings of almost… everything.
I have adopted the OKR method using the app “Vision”, whose visualisation is indeed helpful, setting my goals for this summer and after, which could be categorised into “Schoolwork”, “Research”, “Reading”, “Writing” and “Languages”, considering both my personal passions and future requirements for pursuing Computational Semantics in Europe.
SCHOOLWORK: I have two examinations left for this semester, due in September. I have already thought about my class schedule for the next semester, and believe that it would not be so overwhelming as the last one. I wish to make the right choices so that my syllabi would benefit me the most in the exact way I desire.
RESEARCH: I’ve developed an interest in Computational Semantics, and hold the view that present methodologies seem to fail to capture the true nature of language, despite the complete awareness that I myself am no expert. I wish to look beyond existing frameworks yet find myself dazzled, trapped, and on the edge of getting astray. On the one hand, I should get back to theoretical work to redefine and reformulate my perspective, which would be long-term work and require steady impetuses. On the other, I need to get my hands on solid projects to acquire experiences, which is one of the major reasons why I’m doing this summer project (of course I need it for future applications… I also want to broaden my horizons for potential linguistics-related domains).
I do recognise myself as a quasi-idealist, yet avoid falling into a complete idealist. One of the best feelings I’ve ever had is getting confirmed in an unexpected way, seeing how different directions merge and ideas fuse. And I truly believe I am getting close to what I desire, with all these signs given not by God, but by the existence of the ideal itself.
READING: I have started using the ZhongShanXiao app for recording my reading activities, which are actually sparse, contrary to my deceptive self-image as a bookworm. Yet with the help (or rather surveillance) of the apps, I hope to regain my pace as well as my passion. I feel tranquil and firm when reading, away from the submerging noises which bothered me constantly.
For the summer I plan to read the poetry of Mallarmé and Pessoa, language-related books including several by Wittgenstein and Heidegger, and possibly a novel by Gracq. There are also books to read for the perfection of Penevocation, the prose I’m about to work on.
WRITING: I wrote “Galatheia Wannabe” last year and wish to finish “Penevocation” (Evocation of Penelope) & “Les Saisons en Enfer” before graduation. I understand that I need writing as both an anchor to keep me settled and a stimulus to urge me to put things in order, to better deal with fleeting thoughts and tricky emotions. I do like the feeling of establishment, though it is unlikely for my writing to be recognised as I believe it deserves. I’ll also try writing in English… starting from ordinary forms, and plan to post such “Review & Vision”s on Medium regularly from now on.
LANGUAGES: I used to admire polyglots, merely seeing languages as glorified badges like pupils content with the knowledge they have. But gradually I seem to have a better command of English than what is required of pupils, able to understand it from a semantic perspective, and am now a bit familiar with Indo-European languages, yearning for the world they will open for me. I love European literature and find its culture almost seductive… Also, I find my verbal English almost embarrassing during research communications. I realise I simply have to practice my English for spending time abroad, which is vital for this life of mine, and I long to study more languages. I have studied French and Italian, both for a short time, and will continue to learn them sometime in the future. I guess it is possible for me to pick up German this year if the class schedule permits.
For the next week, I plan to get familiar with the code needed for the summer project, start preparing for Penevocation, start taking notes for Philosophy of Language or The Blue and Brown Books, start practising verbal English, and finish reading one book.
